In a 2017 study looking at fear of failure in over 400 Portuguese athletes, men and women expressed fear in different ways. Fear of shame, embarrassment, and lower self-worth was more evident in women, while the men were more fearful of where their future might take them – viewing failure as more perilous. The authors note that girls develop lower self-esteem than boys in younger years, leading them to worry more about their sense of self than their male counterparts.
A similar study in 2021 pointed out that people with a higher fear of failure often have lower self-confidence and may inadvertently undervalue their goal setting potential. The participants with higher fear of failure showed less ability to set goals.
But what IS failure? Objectively, it is when we do not reach our goals – well, not yet at least. The key word here is yet, because we can learn from our setbacks to guide us forward. We can fail at virtually anything, from saying something to a friend to meeting budget deadlines at work. But how we respond to failure matters much more than failing in and of itself. And the same is true for long-distance hikers.
Shawshank realized that his motives in the beginning of the hike were somewhat rooted in the fear of quitting to propel him forward. However, he saw his fear in a slightly different light. Although he was younger than many on the trail, he was far beyond his years in maturity and knowledge and wanted to do things differently. “I wanted to prove people wrong that were doubting me…and to not quit like I have in other things in my life.” I empathize with him. He not only had pressure he put on himself to continue when everything in his body was telling him to quit, but also thought enough people were doubting him that he needed to show them how wrong they were.
Having only spent four days backpacking prior to his AT attempt, Shawshank’s prior hiking experience was small day hikes. As one of the few hikers that walked south, he was already hiking over 20 miles a day by the time he reached New Hampshire. Fear of failure began as part of his motivation but he somehow channeled it into more productive things, such as goals and commitments.
If Shawshank feared letting people down by failing to complete the hike, he changed the narrative to focus more internally than externally. At only 21 years old on a gap year before graduate school, he learned experientially how to turn his fear of failure into something to strive for instead of something to avoid. He noticed when he was scared, worried, happy, etc. through newfound self-awareness.
The familiar uncertainty loomed heavy on him, but what mattered more was how he responded afterwards. Finally, he realized he could change the narrative and do things differently.
I’ve noticed unproductive self-talk countless times throughout my life, from being told I wasn’t good at math because I am a female to not being strong enough to do a pull-up for many years and assuming I would never do one. Sometimes stereotypes are molded into our minds, such as the statement that girls are bad at math, and those that hear such stories begin to believe them through mere repetition.
But if we change these stories, we can begin to see a shift in self-efficacy. In some studies, just being told something positive or that we are good at a particular thing can improve results and allow for a more positive mindset. In short, eliminating or at least lessening the fear of failure has been shown to lead to less avoidance of adversity and more focus on achievement and advancement.
For instance, if I tell myself I am slow at climbing hills, whether biking or walking, I have already set myself up for failure while simultaneously providing myself an excuse if I fall short of my goal. I am often slower than others on hills, but that doesn’t necessarily make me slow.
I have to be aware of when those thoughts creep in and mitigate them by grappling with reality and the unconscious urge to compare myself to others and what level I think I should be performing. I have to remember to compare my work to others and compare myself to previous versions of myself to improve.
Anticipating the end result of how hikers will feel about themselves was a driving force to keep going when they wanted to stop. The pull of being the person they’d always wanted to be was more enticing than merely not wanting to quit.
It was easier said than done, but thru-hiking made them face their fears to find a better alternative. Both fear and the drive to be better can be powerful, but seldom does fear alone lead to lasting change. Like external motivation, it often proves unsustainable.
Focusing on failure can lead to thinking only of preventing loss as opposed to achieving success and accomplishment. Instead, we see more results when we focus forward, not by letting our fears dictate our trajectory.
As Faulkner said, “Be scared. You can’t help that. But don’t be afraid.”
